Celeste Abourjeili

After a month and a half of uncompromising heat and perturbing ruthlessness, I concede that I want to go home — my other home, abroad, thousands of kilometers away from this country.

Tourism Minister Walid Nassar anticipated one million tourists in Lebanon this summer, a figure we are fast approaching. This mass of visitors, mainly composed of returning diaspora, has been thrust into a daily life more lacking and appalling than in years past.

An army of civilians rises between the early hours of 1:30 and 6:00 AM, roused by the heat of a power-less night. Most municipalities can only provide their homes with between one and two hours of electricity per day. The remaining electricity, supplied by diesel generators, is practically as scarce.

With power cuts comes a brutal water loss, leaving the people to wash their hands and brush their teeth with bottled water in a balancing act worthy of the circus. Toilets remain full — and pungent — in an ode to the raging stomach viruses that always come around in Lebanon this time of the year, made unflushable by our state's incompetencies.

Yet, despite the onslaught of red flags and warning signs, Lebanese expatriates are happy to be back.

A Lebanese student in Barcelona describes his visits to Lebanon as a mixed feeling. “Sometimes I don't recognize my country… but I am still convinced that it’s the most beautiful [one] in the world,” he said. The student expressed his hope to one day be able to return to Lebanon, not just for vacations but to build a family.

Many experience bouts of guilt for their privilege and ability to go abroad. Despite being eager and relieved to relocate, a visiting student in France proclaims herself “a youth who would die to live in her environment and raise her kids in her country.”

A Lebanese-Mexican born abroad visited Lebanon for the first time in several years. To her, the city's wounds were visible and the people were disillusioned, yet she was impressed to see that “life is still going on.”

The Lebanese people are exhausted, demotivated, and yes, disillusioned by the state of their nation. More than ever, the Lebanese youth are searching for a way out.

But no matter how tired Lebanon is, the returning diaspora carries on the hope and desire to someday return should Lebanese resilience prevail.